10 Things Guaranteed to Happen to You During Mardi Gras 2014

velocity New Orleans

It’s just about that time again. King Cakes are in every store (I just bought one from Magnolia Discount), there’s a jester holding a giant sign that says: “get your beads here!” and that guy I haven’t talked to since middle school just hit me up on Facebook. Yes, Mardi Gras is coming.

Now, I’m a Veteran. Born and raised in New Orleans. I know what to expect. Even now these things happen to me every year and I’m supposed to know better and trust me, I go to Mardi Gras prepared. So, if this is your first Mardi Gras or are just curious as to what goes on, here are 10 things guaranteed to happen to you during Mardi Gras:

1) You Will Get Lost

Lost

Mardi Gras is one of the biggest parties in the world and attracts a never ending sea of people. There are distractions everywhere, and if your doing things right, your in no shape to ignore them…Combine these things with little to no cellphone service and your left with a guarantee to get lost.

2) You will pee in public with a stranger

lookout

Now everyone knows that they will pee in public during Mardi Gras, but did you know you will do it with a complete stranger?  Pee spots are often hard to find, there are cops, and your best friend is flirting with the sorta pretty girl he just gave all his beads to0. You need someone to watch your back while you do the deed and I guarantee you someone else is in the exact same situation. You will join forces with them in the search for relief.

3) You will see someone you haven’t seen in ages

reunited

Despite it’s nickname, The Big Easy is really a small town. Mardi Gras attracts an enormous amount of people. Chances are someone you know is going. That teacher, from 3rd grade that taught you how to write in script…yeah she’ll be there. Somehow your going to run into this person and have an overly excited (and probably hazy) reunion.

4) You will get into a confrontation

ramsbuttingheads

Crowds and alcohol for nearly a week…..Need I say more.

5) You will dance like a retard

carlton

Yes, even the most anti-dance stuffy is dancing at Mardi Gras. It’s contagious. Just accept it and worry about all of the pictures later.

6) You will end up somewhere and have no idea how you got there

whitepersondancing

After the third day of drinking and debauchery things start to get a little hazy. How you ended up in that one guys car going for a Rally’s Cheeseburger will completely slip your mind.

7) You will trespass on someone’s property

No Trespassing Sign on Manitou Incline

I feel sorry for the people who live on the parade routes for only one reason. But at least their yards are well hydrated if you catch my drift.

8) You will completely overvalue your beads

New Orleans Parties During Traditional Mardi Gras Celebration

You just did something really stupid and got the biggest, nicest, pair of beads anyone has ever laid eyes on. You will brag to all your friends, share them on all of the social sites, and vow you’ll never part with them. However, just like your first relationship, you will  throw them in the trash once you realize how uncomfortable you are.

9) You will get wet

Wet Dog

I can’t predict the weather, but it almost always rains at least once during Mardi Gras. If it doesn’t your going to get a drink or 2, or 3 spilled on you….. Prepare accordingly

10) You will have a great time

mardigrasgoodtime

If somehow this post scared you, or discouraged you from going to Mardi Gras at all, don’t fret. No matter how stupid you look or how many strange things you do you are going to have a great time! These things are just small moments of the day that make Mardi Gras memorable. Remember, Mardi Gras is a marathon not a sprint and it’s fun for everyone….except the police.